Ed and Roy: Stuck
by CelesJessa
Summary: During a slow day at Central, Edward gets himself into some trouble. What will happen when Roy catches him? Hilarity ensues. NOTE: This is NOT Yaoi or Shonen Ai. Just a humorous little story I did one afternoon. Rated T for innuendo.


A lazy August sun poured down warmly on central headquarters. Little was going on in the headquarters that day. Much like the sun, most of the soldiers below went about their day almost lethargically, spending as much time as they could by the windows, outside, or napping at their desks. Yes, not a body was moving above its minimum potential.

Not even Edward Elric, who normally brought some kind of excitement with him wherever he went, was slugging his way up the stairs of the headquarters.

"Hey… Edward…" The front desk secretary yawned and waved the young boy through. Edward nodded and made his way up the stairs on the eastern end of the main lobby, headed in the general direction of Colonel Mustang's office. He gave a brief knock and let himself in.

"Colonel?" Ed peered around the empty office, "Anyone here?" Upon receiving no reply, Edward sighed. There was absolutely nothing to do. Alphonse was out doing errands, and Edward had hoped to find some kind of excitement at Central, or even a certain Colonel to argue with, but to no avail. He slunk back behind Roy's desk and slumped down into his big, cushioned chair and spun in a quick circle, deciding to wait there until Roy or one of his subordinates came back.

After three spins in the chair, Edward's eye caught something interesting. Roy's top drawer was left ajar! Maybe this day won't be a complete waste after all… Ed thought gleefully, finally perking up. He glanced around, making sure nobody was watching, the reached forward and eased the drawer open, cringing as the slightest creak in the wood. Inside was a complete disaster of papers, candy, gum wrappers, pens and….

Ed gasped in delight; Roy's Alchemy gloves. Well, only the right glove, to be exact. Regardless, Edward grinned evilly and shoved the glove in his inner pocket on his black coat. Just then, Edward jumped about a mile as he heard a click at the door, telling Ed that he only had a split second before he was discovered rooting around in Mustang's drawer. In that moment, Ed placed his hands on top of Mustang's desk innocently and used his hips to shove the drawer shut. As if on cue, as soon as the desk clicked shut, the door swung open and in strode none other than Colonel Roy Mustang himself.

Roy paused after he spotted Ed at his desk, "Fullmetal?" he started slowly, raising a black eyebrow, "…What are you doing?"

"N-Nothing!' Ed lied, grinning what he thought was an innocent smile.

"Then why are you at my desk?"

"No reason, I was jus-t…." Ed's words caught in his throat as he tried to step away from the desk but suddenly found himself caught. In his rush to hide his guilt, Ed had shut the drawer on the cuffs of his coat, "Leaving" He grunted, tugging back, but to no avail. The drawer had locked when it was closed and now was firmly pinning Ed to the place of the crime.

"Leaving?" Roy raised an amused eyebrow as he circled around the desk and spotted Ed's predicament, "Is there any reason why your sleeves are caught in my drawer?" He could only grin wider when he saw Ed's face twisted in annoyance that his plan had not gone as smoothly as he had hoped, "I'd hate to think that you were snooping in my stuff!" Roy mocked, placing a hand to his mouth in mock shock, "Why, handling a superior officer's property could get you…"

"Oh shut up…" Ed growled, "Now let me go or else you'll see who's "property" gets "handled"."

"Tsk, Ed, We're not even on our second date." Roy laughed at the boy's shocked and flustered face at the implications of what he had just said. He dug into his pocket and produced the silver key to the offending drawer, "Now let's get you out of there, I'd hate to get a reputation for trapping young boys to my desk." Before Ed could say anything, Roy was behind him, with his hands wrapped around his slim waste.  
"H-HEY! What are you doing!" Ed cried, flustered.

"D-Don't get excited Fullmetal," Roy grunted, trying to peer around the boy, "With the way you got yourself stuck in here, this is the easiest way. Just bear with me for a moment."  
After a few moments of discomfort, Ed asked, "Is it out yet?"

"No, just be patient!" After a minute, "Man, this is harder than I thought! I can't find the hole!"

"Oh god, somebody help me…." Ed sighed, this was not turning out how he had planned.

Meanwhile, Jean Havoc, Kain Fuery, Vato Falman, and Heymans Breda were making their way back to the big office they shared with Roy after a big lunch. They were all laughing and joking when Breda suddenly halted at the door.

"What's wrong Breda?" Fuery asked, coming up next to him and reaching out to open the door.

"No wait!" Breda grabbed Fuery's arm, halting him, "I hear something going on in the office!"

"What are you talking about Breda?" Havoc asked, twisting the cigarette in his mouth.

"Just listen!" The four men pressed against the door and, sure enough, a pair of voices were heard on the other side.

_"Why, handling a superior officer's property could get you…"_

"That's the Colonel!" Breda whispered.

"But who's he talking to?" Falman questioned.

"Shut up! I can't hear" Havoc shushed him, "You made me miss what the other person said, good job."

"Sorry"

"You should be."

"Would you both shut up?!" Breda broke them up, then the group began listening again.

_"Tsk, Ed, We're not even on our second date."_ The four exchanged shocked looks. _"Now let's get you out of there, I'd hate to get a reputation for trapping young boys to my desk."_

_"H-HEY! What are you doing!"_

_"D-Don't get excited Fullmetal. With the way you got yourself stuck in here, this is the easiest way. Just bear with me for a moment."_

"I always knew they had the hots for each other." Havoc said, matter-of-factly, "But I didn't think they would do it on the desk…"

"I don't know, Havoc, Mr. Elric seems rather… distressed." Fuery whispered.  
"Shh! They're still talking!"

_"Is it out yet?"_

_"No, just be patient! Man, this is harder than I thought! I can't find the hole!"_

_"Oh god, somebody help me."_

"See!" Fuery squeaked, "Edward is in trouble!"

"I'm afraid Fuery's right, sirs," Falman agreed, "Even if Mustang is our superior, it would be wrong of us to stand aside when a younger, more vulnerable soldier is getting attacked."

"So what are we going to do?" Havoc whispered.

"O-On three… We rush in and drag Mustang off of Edward… and… and… down to the Fuhrer's office if we have to!" The others nodded.

"One…"

"Two…"

"Three!"

Needless to say, Edward and Mustang were quite shocked and surprised when Falman, Breda, Havoc, and Fuery burst into the room screaming.

"What?" Roy was only able to look up in confusion before he was tackled by four soldiers, who drug him to the floor, "What the hell is going on!"

"I'm sorry sir!" Falman apologized, "But this is for your own good."

"Y-yeah! A soldier never lets a comrade down." Fuery agreed as Havoc and Breda started dragging a struggling Roy to the door, "Don't worry sir, we'll get you help for this problem as soon as we can."

"What in the world are you TALKING about?" was the last thing heard from Roy as he was drug from the room.

"Wait, what's going on?" Ed asked, utterly confused. Falman placed a comforting hand on Edward's shoulder.

"It's okay, sir Elric. You don't have to be brave anymore. It's over."

"Wha-"

"You have to understand, the Colonel isn't a bad man… his libido is just…" He shook his head, holding back what sounded like a choked sob, "But you'll see! After we're done with him, he'll be changed man!" With that Fuery and Falman both gave a proud salute to Edward, and ran out in the hallway, following the sound of the cursing Colonel.

"Wait!" Edward jerked forward, bet was held back by his sleeve, which was still caught in the drawer, "I'm still…." Edward glanced around desperately in the empty room, "Stuck…"


End file.
